


What I Really Want to Say

by bloubird_scribe



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 08:20:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloubird_scribe/pseuds/bloubird_scribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all just comes out wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Really Want to Say

**Author's Note:**

> This is badly written, over a year old. I'm ashamed, but not so ashamed that I didn't want to share. Title credits go to B5 & their song "What I Really Want To Say."

“This love doesn’t mean a thing to me!” Zayn shouted, and slammed the door to the flat he shared with his boyfriend, Harry. He stomped furiously down the driveway and hopped into his car, speeding away to anywhere Harry wasn’t.

His chest rose and fell as his mind began to race. Why couldn’t he just stop being such an asshole? Every time he felt like telling Harry how he felt, how much he loved him, he would get a few words out, but he would always stop and shut him down.

It killed him inside, to say such harsh things that pushed Harry further away from Zayn. It hurt him to be so brutal, unnecessarily brutal to the one person who didn’t deserve it.

“I don’t care, Harry.”

“I get so caught up and…this love isn’t what I need. You are not what I need.”

“Harry please, can we not do this now?”

“God Harry, I ask you to get me a simple coffee and you let them give me three sugars instead of five?! You’re unbelievable!”

“I’m not kissing you, you just ate pizza.”

Just replaying everything he said tonight made himself sick. He knew his words stung Harry, when they discussed why Zayn was so distant. Zayn tried to avoid the tiff, claiming he was tried from rehearsal and wanted to just get to sleep, but the curly haired boy insisted. Harry pushed Zayn’s buttons, gentle enough to at least get him to reply, but Zayn did more than reply.

He had shouted at his boyfriend, saying Harry was becoming needy and that it was Harry who was becoming distant. Zayn said he was fine, and his anger turned his words into the direction of the love they shared, saying Harry never gave, always took, that their love was becoming meaningless. He gave Harry those parting words, each syllable tasting like poison on his tongue as they left his mouth. He had been so harsh.

But…why didn’t Harry fight back? Why didn’t he just leave him? Zayn was becoming an asshole. He could tell, but it wasn’t intentional. He’d been through so much heartbreak and pain in the past, he didn’t ever want to go through that again.

But, still…it wasn’t fair to Harry. This was the second relationship he ever had. His first one wasn’t really “love” at all. But this was. Zayn saw in his eyes just how much he loved him, cared for him, and they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. But how could Harry want that after all of this? 

Harry hadn’t done anything wrong. He was completely faithful, and never lied. Always said “I love you” even if Zayn didn’t. But Zayn wanted to say I love you. He hadn’t said it to Harry for awhile. And they’d been together for two years already, keeping their relationship a secret from their fans. Their band mates were supportive, always helping them through rough patches like these, every single time.

Zayn never knew what happened. Ever since he and Harry reached their year and a half mark, things just…changed. He would be fine one day, and then the next, he would start to doubt everything. He never said “I love you,” barely said “love you too,” and he never showed Harry any signs that he cared about him. Except when he apologised for being an asshole. He would bring Harry roses and he’d sing his love and they’d sleep curled up into one another, just listening to the other breathe. But that wasn’t fair either. None of this was.

This was turning into an abusive relationship. And Zayn was not abusive.

Sighing, Zayn made a sharp U-Turn to return back to his house, the ring that had been in his pocket for months now finally starting to burn a hole and weigh him down. He needed Harry. Zayn knew that now. Gosh, he could only imagine how many times Harry cried his eyes out, wishing Zayn would return back to normal. Maybe that’s why he stayed.

Because he was waiting for the old Zayn to come back around.

Zayn’s thoughts consumed him so much that when the SUV sideswiped his Mustang GT, he couldn’t react fast enough. The car flipped, and he was out. His last thought? The sudden absence of weight from his pocket as the ring, flew out of the Mustang’s shattered window, and onto the cold pavement.


End file.
